Part 2
The Paisley Aliens

By: Dr. Xaius

"This and other great puzzles still lay in front of him."

Andrew left the Computer lab quickly. He already had to deal with ninjas, and as his mother always told him, "if you have to fight ninjas in the morning, you'll have to fight green schnork monkeys by noon."

Stepping outside, he could sense something wrong with the rest of the normally lackadaisical students: they were all mumbling abnormal things under their breath, such as "I must do biology homework," or "I must pay attention to MSA." Every person he passed made Andrew's brow furrow a little more.

As Andrew trudged to Bruegger's for his ritual soup and a bagel, he noticed something odd about the parking lot to his left. Some cars were flattened, some were not. It was like some sort of odd "car parking lot" circle, in the same pattern as a crop circle he saw in his backyard once.

Andrew walked into the parking lot to investigate. What was going on here, he thought? And what's with the odd building? Do administrators really need another building?

The answer came soon enough. Andrew saw the hint of an alien spacecraft hidden within the building, and he noticed the construction workers putting up the mirrored plates at twenty or thirty times the normal speed. Which wasn't odd since they each had twenty or thirty arms.

Andrew knelt down and crept forward when he did a double take. The workers had twenty or thirty arms?! Andrew looked around. He'd need a weapon for this one. Looking in a flattened vehicle, he found a sawed off shotgun. No, he thought, too messy. In another, he found a fully automatic rifle. No, he thought, too much kickback. Lying forgotten and forlorn in a dirty puddle was a mop. Perfect, he thought.

After removing the mop head, Andrew continued forward, determined to learn more of this alien menace, now armed with a dirty wet mop handle.

As he stepped within the construction site, Andrew finally understood why the building was so ugly and mirrored. The building was a giant Matter Transmitter Expunge-o-matrix Machine (TM) in the making, and the mirrored sides were a shielding from possible cosmic rays. The aliens were planning on taking over the world, starting with Dinkytown!

Andrew now knew what he needed to do: stop the completion of the evil machine, and look cool in the process. As he raised his mop handle above him, clouds gathered and a lightning bolt struck a car behind him.

As the clouds dissipated, the thirty two armed foreman saw him.

"Stop that meddling kid!" he yelled, which immediately prompted several multi-armed men to jump down and attack.

But they were no match for the mop handle armed Andrew. As one leapt into the air, Andrew stepped to the side and smashed his head. Another came up behind Andrew, but was dropped to the ground when the handle was thrust into his neck. A third tried to grab the mop handle, but Andrew circled the impromptu staff around, and swept the foolish multi-armed man's legs out from under him. After dropping sixteen multi-armed construction workers, the foreman stepped forward.

"You are very skilled, two-armed one. I was once like you. But the paisley beings from above came, and showed me the light. Join us, and we can rule the universe as father and son!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Sorry. Got caught up in the moment. I meant, join us, and we can rule the world! You can have Finland!"

"I don't think so. I'm stopping you from whatever paisley plans you may have."

"Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you."

"Oh? C'mon and try, fat man."

"Fight me like a man, with your bare fists!" he waved twelve arms in the air as he screamed.

"Oh, like I'm stupid enough to fight a guy with thirty three arms bare handed."

"Thirty two."

"Sorry."

"No problem.

"Look, can we get fighting already? This dialogue is getting kind of dry." Andrew was getting visibly annoyed.

"Oh, whatever." The foreman shrugged and pulled out a gun and pulled the trigger.

"Hey! That's not faaaiii...." Andrew slumped to the ground. The foreman walked to Andrew and picked up the frail body.

"The paisley ones will be pleased when they see the fine recruit I've brought them."

To be continued... Will Andrew survive with two arms? Will he gain more arms, or other unmentionable limbs? Find out next time, same bat-time, same bat-channel!

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